


Sometimes It Only Takes One.

by Ode_To_Elliot



Category: Psychopath Diary (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Fluff and Angst, Food, M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Seo In Woo is bad at feelings, Yook Dongshik is unstoppable, because I'm lazy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27741682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ode_To_Elliot/pseuds/Ode_To_Elliot
Summary: In which In Woo gets out of jail and ends up in a clinic. He has it planned out. He'll give enough for his therapist not to freak out and lay low, retrospect on things he cannot change till he gets out.Dongshik is an unexpected element.
Relationships: Seo In Woo & Yook Dong Sik, Seo In Woo/Yook Dong Sik
Comments: 21
Kudos: 107





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SO.  
> Clears throat.  
> This has been sitting in my drafts for so long.  
> I started writing it after I watched it but then it got lost under the rubble.  
> But its done now.  
> I love In Woo’s and Dongshik’s dynamic and I love angsty characters .  
> They are delightful. 
> 
> I did approximately one week? Of Research so I'm not here to vouch for the clinical accuracy of this. But i tried to (hopefully)  
> make it as accurate as possible??  
> Eh
> 
> Hehe  
> Enjoy!

_"Do you think it's because I didn't get any love from them?"_

_In woo freezes ,staring the shaking , sobbing man dead in the face. It's as if the temperature in the room had dropped down to arctic levels. The satisfying burn of alcohol felt bitter in his mouth and the kindling flames of a job well done died out with one harsh whistle of wind._

_Love._

_He didn't find it funny enough to laugh at the comment. He didn't find it just about anything. Love. There was nothing to retrospect. There was nothing._

_With his mood now sour , In woo could feel his mask slipping. He sighed and placed his glass on the table. Dongshik was still speaking. Or well, blubbering, stumbling over his words as he confesses his -what did he call them? Ah yes, 'dark and disgusting secrets'._

_To think In woo once thought he saw himself in there._

_Something curls in the pit of his stomach, a whip coiled and ready to lash, a snake under a stone. As Dongshik begins to twitch with the drug taking effect, his words are clipped and heavy with contempt._

_"You know, Dongshik shi, everything about you is fine." He looks straight at the salary man. The soon to be predator of Seoul. Dongshik's eyes are red, and his hands shake pathetically as he grips the bag on his lap like a lifeline. He grits his teeth._

_"But you talk too much." he finishes. Dongshik is confused for a second, blinking, he tries to reorient himself only to slump forward, head hitting the table with a muted thud._

_In woo stares at the unmoving figure in front of him._

_"Why do you have to keep blabbing." Weak._

_The snake in his stomach rears his head._

_Disgusting._

_It's strange how In woo can't place to whom he meant that to_

_…………………………_

_"Is it because I didn't get any love?"_

"No" he says aloud to the walls who take his comments in silence.

He was never one for talk but right now In Woo wishes that he was in a Disney movie with its animated everything.

And out of all the things to think about- In Woo sighs.

It's been a year since he got out of prison and In Woo is his isolated room at some institution. It was sterile, prosaic and completely bare of his belongings save one journal and a pen clipped onto the cover.

Sometimes he thinks that prison was better. Even with that crazy prisoner in the next cell. That wish is soon forgotten as he remembers that smell. In Woo had never appreciated good plumbing more than he does now.

Recently he's been writing. The psychologist they assigned to him said that this was the bare minimum therapy.'To keep up appearances' he'd said but In Woo could see through it. They had assigned one of their younger doctors to him. The old bastards were probably too scared to have anything to do with him and the new guy probably got the short stick. But he seemed determined to actually help In Woo get better. It was an earnest and selfless hope that reminded him of another certain brave citizen. But regardless of the intention behind the suggestion, In Woo took up a new journal ,

filling the pages with more mundane things than bloody fingerprints. 

Sometimes he'd stop in the middle of a sentence, lost in one memory or another most of which aren't pleasant and doesn't notice until the grip on his pen hurts his fingers and the ink bleeds through the page. Well at least his doctor seemed happy with his entries and In Woo puts up with it because he hasn't made In Woo “talk about how he feels”. 

Yet. 

Yes, sometimes he wonders if prison would have been better.

But unlike what everyone seems to think he's not insane. His senses may be wired differently but in the end In Woo was like any man, who didn't want to waste away in a cell. 

Then there was the absence of everything that is slowly beginning to chip away at him. Nothing excites him. There's nothing to do with the exception of sitting and thinking (or jumping off the window.) The latter sounds like a better option. 

Yet In Woo was never one to endanger himself in that regard. He rolls the pen in his hands. He could kill the attendant that comes by with his food. Or the janitor . Or even his too earnest doctor- His fingers curl over the barrel and he closes his eyes. 

_Control_. In Woo breathes in. 

It's driving him up a wall.

He can't do it. He can’t lose it. Not if he wanted to spite those who believed he should be in here. Certified insane.

It was hard for In Woo to think about the long run, and that was the only goal that he could find in the dark for why he shouldn't just let go.

 _Control_. 

In Woo has to be patient. He sets the pen down on top of his journal. He couldn't afford to go off the rails. Not after a spotless eleven month record. Not after the fact that it's what everyone is waiting for.

"It's only temporary, think of it as a price for your freedom." Dr. Na Yi Je had said on the first day of his transfer to the hospital. 

In Woo had scoffed. 

If he didn't know better he'd say that the doctor was pretty much like him. With his suggestions to start a prison scuffle followed by a carefully planned scene after he’s put in isolation with a stolen chopstick snapped in two to draw just enough blood to make it seem serious. when the warden did his rounds.

They pleaded mental instability and when the board wasn't entirely sold a photograph of the head of the review board and an unknown woman, a girl really, getting into the hands of a reporter was enough to wrap up his transfer nicely. 

But In woo did know better. There was something else behind the almost carefree facade of the doctor. Unlike In woo , he was working towards something. To right a wrong perhaps? Righteous anger. In woo muses. He wouldn't know.d

He had sighed and thanked Na Yi Je, handing him his fee. The old man didn't know about his personal savings. It was a relief to see some of his secrets remain the same. 

"You know Seo In Woo shi," Dr. Na had told him when he took the cash from him.

In Woo had looked away from the scenery outside the window to give him his attention. 

The man had gotten him out of that dreary cement cage after all. It called for some respect, or at least gratitude in his books.

"I wouldn't have gone through with your request if I thought you weren't fully worth it."

In Woo had raised his eyebrow. "Did you think I'd pay you less? "

The doctor had laughed and shook his head. "Oh no , of course the money is great but..." "But?" In woo had prompted, keeping his voice colourless as possible.

He could put up with talk, prison had done wonders for his patience. (It was now at an all time high of 5 percent before shutting down.)

"I did do some research before I considered the case. The great Predator Killer of Seoul ," Dr. Na whistled. In Woo’s hand clenched on the window sill. Sometime ago that title made him giddy. A mark of his success. But now, every time he hears it he feels tired, agitated. It's almost like they're degrading him. Reducing him into nothing but a beast with a bloodlust.

_An animal._

_Beneath them_.

In woo had to force himself to relax and allow the man to continue.h

It's a pretty tough case to defend, so I hope you don't mind but some snooping was in order. " 

_Oh_. 

In woo did mind. He minded a _lot_.

But he minded the stone like pillows in his old cell more hence the doctor lived .

"I don't understand what you wish to convey, doctor " he smiled despite his entire being projecting one big get out sign at the man at the door.

Perhaps the doctor had caught onto his discomfort or his anger. 

"Don't worry In Woo shi, I'm not here to taunt you. I've seen your past and well, while I know that not everything that happened can be forgiven, I believe that everyone should be given a choice." In Woo had laughed at the implication. Him? Coerced ? The idea was absurd. This, all the kills were his. His choice. . And here's this one man saying that he had no freedom to choose. Him, who carefully picked out the most pathetic humans, who spent delightful hours thinking of the best end, the perfect weapon.

Him, who chose to take those lives. 

In Woo had smiled at the doctor then.

"I chose who I became, doctor. Perhaps my circumstances weren't ideal but what of it. It doesn't matter." 

The doctor had waved his hand at the heavy statement. 

"We can always choose again, In Woo shi."

In Woo had grit his teeth ,trying not to grab the journal on the bedside table and hurl it at the doctor.

Pity. It was evident in his tone. In his words.

In Woo hated it. 

He wasn't like others. He wasn't a product of his circumstances. What strength lies in letting himself play the victim? 

No, this was what he was meant to be.

_Just like me._

_This is what you are._

A voice . An echo. Was it his? Was it his father's? 

Victim. The word catches him off guard. Why had he even considered it. He dismissed the thought as soon as it occurred. Never mind. 

He stretched his smile, allowing it to morph into a grin.

_Get the picture already ._

But Na Yi Je wasn’t phased at all. He smiled at him.

In Woo blinked, his mental train of insults against the man coming to a screeching pause . It wasn't the action that made him stumble. People smile at him all the time. Usually ,when they wanted something. 

But the sincerity behind it, and the sincerity evident in all the words that followed had left him groundless and lost. He was back in his home, a child being looked at with a crooked eye at every turn.

"Oh everyone has circumstances, and everyone adapts. There is nothing weak in it, in knowing that perhaps it could have been different In Woo shi." Dr. Na Yi Je mused. He gave a small nod in farewell before turning to leave, only to stop at the door yet again. He didn’t turn back but In Woo knew that he was talking to him.

"I wonder, would the monster still be a monster if the people didn’t decide it was one?"

It took a while for In Woo to get his bearings again. He had hobbled to the bed and had laid down, his hands resting on his stomach.

_A chance_.

To choose again.

In Woo shut his eyes,

and immediately opened them before clicking his tongue in irritation. 

Of all the things, 

Why had his face appeared in In Woo's mind?

...

Perhaps he was going crazy.

........

_Scratch that._

He is. 

He is fully insane and hallucinating. 

That or he had filled the form wrong for the question of visiting requests. 

He certainly doesn't remember allowing the man who put him behind bars to come see how he's doing.

Why was Yook Dongshik standing at the door with a cake box in his hand?

The hallucination gives a small smile before stuttering ,"It's been a while eh, In Woo shi?" In Woo stares, not sure what else to do. 

Is he here to gloat? But why wait an year? 

"Shi?" Is the first thing that comes out.

_Not beast? Madman? Murderer?_

You were so fond of those back then. 

Dongshik makes a face between a grimace and a smile but doesn't take it back.

_What's he playing at?_

He should have just asked him to leave because Dongshik ,being the senseless idiot he is ,takes his silence as an invitation and moves to sit on the chair next to his bed.

Something in In Woo wants him to take a step back, push himself further into the pillows because he's not sure what he'd do, but he doesn't listen. He wouldn't let - _Yook Dongshik_ of all people unnerve him. 

Yes, he may be bedridden and crippled but In Woo will hold onto his pride while he can.

"I-I- brought cake!" Dongshik says with his usual stutter and In Woo feels his lip curve . He tamps it down and clears his throat.

"Why are you here Yook Dongshik ?" He asks, searching his face for a reason. Dongshik, he notices, has cut his hair a bit shorter, 

but that's where the changes ended. He still retained his hamster charm (?) _(it's a thing )_ that In Woo used to deal with in the past. 

In Woo didn't realise that he's been staring at Dongshik without any reply until the other's eyes flit from side to side, avoiding his gaze.

"Um, In Woo shi," Dongshik starts and In Woo mentally shakes himself. 

_Get it together_.

Why _doesn't_ he have it together? In Woo wonders. This is Yook Dongshik for crying out loud.

( _Ah, perhaps that's why_. )

But whatever In Woo was feeling, didn't feel like anger. Softer , somehow. More muted. He isn't sure. 

"Why are you here Yook Dongshik?" He repeats. Dongshik opens his mouth to answer before suddenly ducking down to rummage through his bag. He takes out a book. He glances at it and then stares Dongshik expecting an explanation. 

"Ahh! See-I -um - wrote a book you know, based on uh.. what happened. You know,"

Dongshik stumbles over his words as In Woo continues to stare at him.

"I ah, don't know if you know so...I, ah I brought you a copy...its fine if you don't read it though!"

He adds at the end, placing the novel on the bed gingerly and catching his hands in a nervous bunch on his lap.

In Woo breathes out a laugh. He knows his stare is unnerving and he enjoys the effect it has on Dongshik. 

"I am aware, I came to the meet and greet . Remember? "

I planned to kill you after it. In Woo says, his tone clipped.

He looks at Dongshik and doesn't know what to make of it when the other visibly perks up much to In Woo’s confusion.

"Ah, r-really! I'm glad!”

He smiles and In Woo is flabbergasted at how easily his defences are broken.

This man has no sense of self preservation. But then again that wasn't new. In Woo shakes his head.

"Did you come all the way here to give me this?" He asks, picking up the book.

_Psychopath Diary_ , reads the cover. He scoffs. His work. 

At least the cause of his misery had been profitable. 

In Woo traced the cover, an illustration of a bloody fingerprint. He presses his own thumb over it. It was like a button , a click to open up his memories . 

In Woo stays unblinking as images of his past conquests flash in his mind. One after another until it flips to the man in front of him, his foot crushing a hand, a blunt knife, crashing down, limping pathetically -

He jerks his finger away. He looks up at Dongshik who still hadn't answered.

"Then you can go now." he orders, 

Dongshik stumbles half getting up at the order and for a second he’s assistant manager Yook in the presence of Director Seo; before catching himself and popping back onto the chair. "You didn't have to do that" He huffs, visibly annoyed. It was a new look on him for In Woo. He wouldn't have dared anything of the sort back then. 

_Back then_. In Woo smiles internally. Does Dongshik think he was _weak_ now? Is that why he’s acting so casual?

That he won't be able to kill him with a well placed stab at his neck with the fountain pen on his bedside table?

"Leave" He repeats. 

Dongshik doesn't even dignify him with a response. Instead he crosses his hands and leans back on his chair with a huff.

_What the hell._

In Woo forces his hands to release their death grip on the sheets. He looks Dongshik straight in the eye. "I could kill you ,you know" He drawls.

The reaction is microscopic. 

But In Woo sees it.

The sudden flicker of fear . The moment of tension before his shoulders drop to their usual hunch.

Part of him is triumphant as Dongshik flinches . 

But there's the other half. The half of him that wants to take back his words, bite his lip and continue . 

And it annoys the living hell out of him.

Dongshik manages a laugh. "I asked the nurses , they said you haven't had any incidents-" "- I pay enough for them to mind their own business." In Woo deadpans.

_How pure is this man? Is pure even the right word?_

What part of In Woo makes him have such faith in him?

But Dongshik relents. "But you haven't gone out of your way to do anything... well, bad have you?" He asks. Insists, more like. In Woo's eye twitches. 

What was he implying?

That he has lost his edge?

That he's getting better? More normal?

 _No_. 

In Woo cocks his head to the side .

"Perhaps I haven't found the right prey yet." He flashes a smile. Bearing his teeth.

This was his normal.

Dongshik shrinks under his gaze, trying to find something else to focus on as he moves back in the chair. 

The action rings dully against his heart. Guilt? Improbable. In Woo can't feel guilt. But its something. A pang of disappointment on a minus scale.

That's a lot for In Woo. Perhaps the hospital has made him soft because In Woo doesn't revel in the fear he creates. Not now. Not in Dongshik.

_(Maybe it's because he doesn’t hate him. Not anymore. Not as much as he thinks he does.)_

He lifts his chin and is about to ask Dongshik to leave again when he hears a shaky breath and sees Dongshik get up on his own.

"I can leave." He states, firmly, his usual stutter absent. His head hangs low ,hair covering his eyes. 

In Woo nods. This is how it should be. But Dongshik looks up abruptly and In Woo is shocked at the determination he sees there.

The same stupid stubbornness he possessed when claiming In Woo's life as his own. 

"But I won't." Dongshik states and there's this sense of finality in it that makes In Woo sigh and accept his fate. 

Because the alternative would have a pen in Dongshik's neck and he didn't have the right utensils to clean the mess. 

...Right? He hopes that's why.

In Woo decides to settle back on the pillows and clasp his hands, resting them on his lap.

"Alright." He says .

For all his bravado earlier Dongshik is taken aback at the answer.

The inconsistency is only slightly irritating to In Woo. For now. 

"Okay?...just like that?" Dongshik blinks rapidly.

In Woo closes his eyes. "What? Do you want to leave now Dongshik shi?" 

The "No!" is so abrupt and loud it startles him, making him open eyes.

He looks at Dongshik and frowns. Not sure how to interpret him anymore.

_Let's see what he has to say at least_. In Woo decides .

 _There isn't much else to do anyway_. He remains silent, allowing Dongshik to flit around like a nervous child before his eyes spark with an idea. 

"Would you like some cake In Woo shi?"

.....

The cake, surprisingly is to his taste, though In Woo spends less time eating and more watching Dongshik eat with more enthusiasm than the desert called for.

It was good sponge. In Woo stares in amusement and disbelief. _But not that good._

_Well at least he's not messy_. In Woo's perfectionist side wasn't too forgiving.

Dongshik polishes off the slice in a record thirty something seconds and In Woo is fascinated by how much a person can resemble a hamster. Dongshik puts his spoon in the empty container. He stares at his hands as he begins to talk. 

"You know In Woo shi , when I was writing my book ..." Dongshik looks at him sheepishly before continuing. 

"I had to think in your perspective at times you know..." Dongshik glances at him again , as if to ask for permission to continue. 

In Woo responds with a raise of his eyebrow. The concept did interest him. "And?" In Woo prompts.

"How did it feel? to think like an actual psychopathic serial killer?"

In Woo's lip twitches upwards.

There is a pause before Dongshik laughs to hide his awkwardness.

"Ah, I should have expected that..." He scratches his face with a finger. 

_That_ , In Woo realizes, _wasn't the best thing to bring up ._

Especially after he literally played with this man's head and made him get convicted for his crimes. 

Well he should have expected this from me. In Woo thinks, refusing to let up. 

He has no reason to play nice . Hell, he doesn't play nice . Ever. 

And if Dongshik decided to stay and talk he had to put up with it.

Nonetheless, Dongshik perseveres. 

"It made me wonder if that was all there was to it."

In Woo raises his eyebrow. "To what?" He asks. He continues before Dongshik can respond. 

"I killed people and unfortunately got caught and now I'm here, talking to you." In Woo raises an eyebrow. "What else is there to it ?" He's not sure what Dongshik wants to know.

"Why did you kill people In Woo shi?" Dongshik asks .

_Ah_. In Woo's hands lose their grip on the sheets. He looks down and waits for the follow up he's heard a million times. 

_Don't you have a conscience? After all this, do you have a hint of remorse?_

_Guilt._

People were obsessed with it. 

As if it makes a killer a less of a killer. _Guilt_.

Apparently that's what it takes to be human .

In Woo waits.

But it never comes . 

"In Woo shi?" Dongshik asks, In Woo turns to find his face closer than he remembers.

_What kind of idiot‐_

He has to hold himself back from jerking away but he can't stop his mouth twisting with irritation. 

What is he even irritated about?

The fact that Dongshik didn't do what he had expected him to do?

Because he seems to think his concern is well placed even with a killer like him?

He turns his face away and pretends to be absorbed in the view outside and takes the moment to lock up his inner voice in a dark room and collect himself.

"Why should I entertain your questions?" He hums, as he looks back , his expression neutral. 

Dongshik sighs, shoulders drooping . "Well I suppose you don't have to." He mutters, eyes dropping down to his hands.

In Woo just stares at the hunched figure. He can feel expectation radiating from him . He breathes through his teeth. It was irritating. 

So why was he entertaining it? He wonders as he bites out a "But?"

Dongshik sneaks a look at him and In Woo wants to take it back and tear it until it's microscopic dust particles .

Dongshik smiles from under his hair, eyes morphing into two crescents with glee. 

Like In Woo has said exactly what he wanted to. 

In woo clicks his tongue. 

Now it's _him_ that's keeping Dongshik here. Not the other way around . 

Dongshik straightens up and settles in the chair more comfortably, putting his bag down. 

He doesn't look away from In Woo now and In Woo can see the confidence he mistook a long time ago as his own glinting in his eyes. But now In Woo sees no cold calculation lacing it.

"You want to, don't you?" In Woo's eyes narrow. 

"You're lonely aren't you In Woo shi?" Dongshik says with such conviction it makes something in him snap. His eyes crinkle in the corners. He laughs . 

A chuckle at first. " You mean I-" he cuts himself off as the idea takes root in his brain. Him. Dongshik thinks he's-

he turns away with a hand over his mouth. He thinks he's -

A grin splits his face.

He's _lonely_. 

Its full fledged crazy man cackling now, as if all the absurdity of the day has finally caught up to him. His _victim_ , not just anyone, but Yook Dongshik, the man whose life he almost destroyed coming over after an year,

With a subpar strawberry cake, 

asking if he's _lonely_. 

In Woo can't help it. 

He bends over and cackles.

It takes a while for him to regain his senses and Dongshik is silent right through his outburst. Hand over his mouth he stills himself and lets the laughter die out . In Woo closes his eyes and breathes in. 

Finally he opens his eyes to look at Dongshik, his face settled in mild amusement.

"I'm sorry for that." He isn't . _You put me here._

And Dongshik sees it. Dongshik huffs .

"I get it okay, you think it's stupid right?This ?" He points a finger at himself.

"Me , here, after you tried to kill me. After I put you in jail."

Dongshik sounds exasperated, which is funny because if anything that's how In Woo feels.

"Yes" he states. Dongshik curls his fingers as if trying to physically grasp at words to describe his obvious conflict. Finding none he pulls at his hair. 

" I know! I know! Okay?! I must be an idiot to come here thinking you'd want to talk." In Woo is dumbfounded as he watches Dongshik hit himself on the head. 

"I couldn't help it okay? When I was writing I was wondering why you were the way you are okay? It's normal." He thumps a fist over his heart. "It's normal. " he gets up. "Or it's not normal, I don't care. I practically threw your story out there with no consent and everyone's calling you non human filth and I know I did too but now I've been thinking, reading for over an year and I know that's not true well at least that it didn't need to be true ." Dongshik finishes , hands falling down to his sides ,limp as if the someone cut the strings holding them up . I

Dongshik leans over the bed .

Face to face . 

In Woo's eyes are blown out , jaw clenched . His patience reached his limit . He doesn't pull back. 

Instead, he grabs Dongshik by his sweater and hisses in his ear. " _You_ put me here Dongshik shi." He's too furious, too confused, to notice how Dongshik doesn't flinch. 

He strains his hold more. "You come here to clear your what -guilty conscience to say you didn't mean it after you did this."

_Or ..._

He tilts his head studying Dongshik's face . 

" Are you saying I did this to myself?" _That I'm pitiful?_ It's almost a whisper but loaded with intent. 

"That you know _why_ _?_ " His knuckles turn white in their grip. In Woo feels his skin prickle as his anger freezes, streaking through his veins making him tense. Alert. _One wrong answer and screw it-_

his hand wavers over the pen on the table. 

"That you _understand?_ " He practically spits in Dongshik's face but In Woo doesn't care anymore. 

The rush was exhilarating. He would show Dongshik that he was mistaken. That as always, his concern was misplaced, and watch as life drains out of him slowly. 

_“ I thought you had matured from back then”._

His father's words prick him. 

_No control_. His breathing heightens.

He had looked down on him . 

_“Your filthy habit”._

He hadn't cared. In Woo clenches his teeth . He wasn’t worth the care . 

_No_ -

He didn’t need it. In Woo grins. 

He doesn't **need** it. 

He doesn't see Dongshik anymore. He just hears echoes. 

_“Animal. No worse than a beast.”_

_“What you're doing , it's sick.”_

_“You couldn't even save your mother.”_

They work themselves to a crescendo in his head and In Woo can't hear anything else. He doesn't see anything past a haze of red until he feels a hand on his own and he's pulled back to reality.

He _sees_ him now. And worse. He sees concern. 

" _Yah_ ,Seo In Woo " Dongshik blinks. "Are you okay?" He tries to lower In Woo's hands but In Woo pushes him off before he could. Dongshik lands on his back.

He lets out a cry of offense. "Hey! "

In Woo scoffs and shakes off his hands. He hears Dongshik groan from the floor.

"Okay ,you weirdo I won't come too close ."

He gets up and dusts himself off. He looks at In Woo, eyes squinted and mouth half pouting. "I know I'm like the perfect prey material or whatever but can you at least try not to kill me?"

"Tried." In Woo says, voice clipped. He tips his head back a little. "But you talk too much." 

Dongshik snorts. "Well at least I'm glad this is a hospital then." 

"Yes." In Woo replies. 

_Does he finally get it ?_

"You should be."

Dongshik smirks, shaking his head .

"Big talk." He says. 

In Woo has to pursue his lips to not snap back. "Really?" He says instead. He pulls off the sheet completely now, choosing to sit on the side of the bed .

"I almost killed you right now didn't I?"

"But you didn't." Dongshik states , sitting back.

"I was thinking what would be the best way to go about it " In Woo lies smoothly. He doesn't have it in him to smile.

" The most painful way"

Dongshik just shakes his head . There's a familiar impatience building up in In Woo. 

_As it always does with this one_.

Nothing he says gets to him the way In Woo wants it to.

 _Never has_.

Let no one say that Dongshik was predictable. 

"But I stopped you." Dongshik says as if it proves everything he's been going on about.

"You wouldn't have let me stop if you really wanted to kill me ." He says . He sounds so assured. Like he's figured In Woo out . Like he was another one of his characters.

He hates it. 

_(It's easier to hate it. To hate it than to think about it.)_

In Woo looks away without an answer . 

His hand runs over the panel of buttons on the side of his bed. He presses a button and speaks into the mic above the panel.

"There's an unauthorized visitor in my room, could you escort him out please? " he turns to look at Dongshik, face unreadable, "Now."

Dongshik sighs and lowers his face to his hands . In Woo raises an eyebrow at the action.

"Why?" He asks. 

" Did you expect something different? " 

When Dongshik looks at him, this time his eyes are reflective. Tears. 

In Woo ignores them. He doesn’t understand them. 

"I'm just an animal aren't I, Yook Dongshik ?" 

He gets up and walks away and stops at the window. "What did you say back then? " he hums, pretending to think before clicking his fingers. 

"Ah, yes. I don't have a brain to use like you virtuous civilized lot. Isn't that right? " He doesn't look over. The clouds were gathering outside .

"So I'm afraid I don't know how to answer. " 

A nurse comes in then, apologising profusely and In Woo hears her shuffling with Dongshik to the door. 

But before he hears the click of the door he hears something else that makes him snap his head back. But Dongshik is already gone. The lock is in place and In Woo is left with the words,

_"I'm sorry. "_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reasons matter 
> 
> Don't they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being more light hearted towards the end because nothing stays too serious with Dongshik .  
> Anyways here it is!

In Woo keeps replaying the conversation or the lack of it in his head.

_ Why _ ? He writes. Then crosses it out.  _ It’s stupid _ . 

Why had Dongshik even shown up?

What did he want from him?

Why didn't the hospital have cake on the menu?

The last one peeved him more than the others.

Mostly because he could find a logical reason for it and a reason why that logic shouldn't exist.

_ Dongshik _ was beyond logic. He tosses his journal aside. Writing doesn't seem to be helping . He stares at the one word entry. 

_ Why- _

Was there something else? 

In Woo closes his eyes. He's not used to questions.

He'd rather punch something or burn a house down. 

Thinking is for plans . Thinking is for getting on his fathers good books. Thinking is for how big his smile should be for his employees. 

Not for him. Not for things he can't see answers for.

_ Can't? Or won't?  _

He  _ does _ punch something then and In Woo tells the attendant he tripped and fell against the window .

************

_ -Its one thing to enjoy the pain of others merely because they aren’t you. It's another to find that enjoyment from the pain of those who represent what you hate. -  _

"What do you mean you allowed the visit? Don't I pay you enough? "

In Woo snaps the next time he meets the doctor. It's at their second mandatory therapy session for the week. 

"I didn't take your bribes In Woo shi , so I have no greater obligation than to make sure my patient gets better. " says Dr. Jung. 

He has that earnest expression on his face ,the kind that In Woo replicates when he used to make his rounds in the company. Except this is brighter. 

He sighs and crosses his arms.

Why his life was dotted with these virtuous do-gooders could possibly be traced back to a curse that's been haunting him for the longest time because that's what it feels like to In Woo.

He leans back on his chair with a sigh. The epitome of a CEO in hospital pyjamas. 

"Look here doctor, maybe you feel that if you- what-  _ rehabilitate _ me that they'll reward you or something. But I'll make life easier for you." 

In Woo's pretty sure the man already knows.

Who doesn't at this point? 

" I am the way I am because there were people who didn't deserve to live." 

He leans back .

"I can't be cured, doctor. I don't need it."

Dr. Jung stares at him, studying him and In Woo closes his eyes in annoyance. 

Usually he doesn't even bat an eye at any of the doctor's questions. 

But Dongshik's visit frazzled him. He had spent the rest of the day looking back on the conversation and trying to figure it out , leaving him sleep deprived and irritable.

"Why did they deserve it ?" In Woo clicks his tongue. He's been through this routine more times than he can count. 

"Because they're weak." In Woo says, picking up the ceramic teacup on the table. 

"They're merely ants , trying their hardest to survive when they should have given up a long time ago."

Dr. Jung nods. He doesn't make a note or switch on a record instead he asks the next thing that comes to mind. 

"So you kill them" Dr. Jung says, "But why does the sight irritate you?"

In Woo makes a face, the tea is too bitter. 

"I already told you, it's because they're weak.", he answers while reaching for the sugar. 

The doctor shakes his head.

"You told me you  _ kill _ them because they're weak- yes." He says .

"But  _ why _ does that weakness irritate you ?"

He leans forward , looking In Woo in the eye .

There's a silence before In Woo breaks it with a laugh. 

"That's what you want to know?" He asks .

Apparently Dr. Jung is as stupid as he seems and can't link two things together without being prompted.

"Because you have to be strong to survive." In Woo states. It's basic really, even a child would understand. 

The doctor hums as if In Woo just threw him a key and he doesn't know what to do with it. 

"Are you strong then , In Woo shi?" Asks Dr. Jung after a bit of pondering. 

In Woo scoffs.

He opens his mouth to say  _ of course I am. _

_ I'm the Predator Killer of Seoul _ but it gets stuck in his throat as he thinks of it. 

A stone into still water . It makes a dull ring in his head.

_Then why are you here?_ _Caught_. _Examined_.

In Woo clenches his jaw. 

This didn't happen before.

"What do you think?" He asks instead .

"I think you know that struggle very well." He tilts his head. "Don't you In Woo shi?" 

_ Ok _ . In Woo admits. 

_ This is new. _

Of all the places that could have gone,

it's knocking on a door he forgot that existed. 

He's careful with his next words. 

"I  _ have _ seen it. " He admits. 

"Makes me sick every time." 

Dr. Jung shakes his head.

"We're going back now ..." He drums his fingers on armrest. 

"Let's try another approach. "

In Woo purses his lips.He's not sure whether he should entertain these questions or not. 

_ But if there's nothing to find. _ In Woo concedes .

it's better than the alternative of going crazy in his head. 

"Amuse me."

"Are you aware of your condition In Woo shi? " Dr. Jung asks. 

This is easy enough. 

“I am aware.” He says. 

He could see that the doctor was itching for a pen but In Woo isn’t  _ that _ comfortable with this just yet.

“Then you understand that you have psychopathic traits?”

In Woo raises an eyebrow but remains silent.

Dr. Jung nods like this is a normal reaction.

“How did you find out?” He asks and In Woo purses his lips.

He passes his reaction off with a shrug. 

“I always knew I was different.” 

He remembers the first time he saw a deer, bleeding out and being fascinated to the utter disgust of Ji hoon. 

_ Ji hoon. _

He scoffs. The chairman hadn’t said anything back then. He never did. 

Expect reminding him to clean his mess. 

Then there was his mother-

“How did your family take it?” 

In Woo smiles. 

“Take it?”

He repeats as he thinks back on it. Ji Hoon could afford not to care, being shielded by the Chairman at every turn. 

His stepmother steered clear of him every time she could. 

The Chairman-  _ prove that you can be stronger, smarter.  _

_ And I won't care for your filthy hobby.  _

_ You’re just like me.  _

Is that why he had avoided him?

Pretended not to notice when In Woo acted strange, looked the other way when In Woo had come home, shaking after he killed that girl in the hospital? 

Ordered that hit on that detective ? 

To cover up for his ‘mistake’ and never speak of it again? 

The Chairman , who In Woo thought  _ wanted _ him to become stronger, better.

Because he  _ knew what it’s like.  _

Then he remembers the scene at the villa. 

_ Please don’t hurt Ji Hoon, I’ll give you everything.” _

He’d been the same.

In Woo recalls the utter _ emptiness  _ he felt when he took that shot at the old man, on his knees and begging for a noodle brained moron after looking down on  _ him.  _

_ After making him think he finally got there. To be looked as a person— _

He sets down the cup before he breaks it. 

In the end he had been the same.

_ He _ couldn’t understand In Woo. 

Nobody could. 

They’d just let him be. 

And In Woo would take care of himself. 

He’d figure everything out eventually, he’d clean his mess so he won’t be anything but what they want him to. 

Because he  _ had _ to be more 

Because he was different. 

It was natural that everyone wanted nothing to do with him. 

“ _ I was worried . I don’t care if it's not normal!” _

“In Woo shi? Are you alright? Should we take a break?”

Except for two people right now it seems. 

In Woo is broken out of his spiral with a hand waving over his face. The action was so childish In Woo wrinkles his brows and the hand retreats back. 

Dr Jung flashes a small smile. He pushes his hair back and blows out a breath.

“Phew, thought I lost you there” He looks at In Woo and smiles again.

“We can do this next time if that’s better.” It’s funny, but In Woo can’t find a reason to hate the guy. He can’t snap at him.

There’s something in his eyes. Like he looks at In Woo and sees a person that even he forgets the existence of sometimes. 

Instead he says. “You’re pretty new at this, aren’t you doctor?” 

Dr. Jung laughs. 

“What gave it away?”

“You ask terrible lead up questions.” He smirks as the doctor chokes on his tea.

“Was it hard?”

In Woo shakes his head. He had no loyalties to the people it concerns anymore anyway. 

At the end it was always himself. 

And he’d like to clean up his mess. 

“Not particularly just that-” 

he pauses and lets out a chuckle. 

“I had never thought about it before.”

There’s a part of him that’s screaming at him not to do this- 

that it’s unnecessary, that it’s weak and useless. 

But for once In Woo can ignore it. 

He doesn’t have anyone to answer to anymore. He made sure of that with a shot in the head. 

He sips the tea. It's just the right amount of sugar. 

Dr Jung looks at him, astounded. Like he just crossed the Pacific with that sentence. 

What’s  _ more _ astounding is that In Woo doesn’t feel his jaw clench at the sight.

“Do you have one now, an answer?” he asks and In Woo takes another sip and states what he’s been trying not to think about for the longest time. 

Because he didn’t know how far that hole went. 

“They _didn’t_ _take_ it . I didn’t matter enough for that.” He says, almost like he’s telling himself. 

His skin prickles with goosebumps as the words settle in.

It's like the cold wind after a stifling summer. 

He had only always had one option. 

_ Stronger, smarter.  _

_ Prove you’re better.  _

There  _ was _ no other choice.

“I’ll take that break now”

  
  


He dreams of his mother, or more precisely her funeral. 

He’s sitting down in the hall, looking at the bed of flowers that surround her picture. She’s smiling in it. 

He’s seen that smile. 

From the kitchen, in the garden, after a bedtime story. He’d seen it and thought maybe everything  _ was fine. _

__ That despite the fact that he didn’t laugh at a cartoon or didn’t cry when he saw a dead bird or when he jumped off the table to see if he could – despite everything in him saying that  _ this isn’t what they wanted from him. Wrong reaction  _ ; that everything was fine. 

That everything was in his head and he wasn’t  _ weird  _ like the kids in the playground would shriek. His mother loved him and still made him a midnight snack if he was sent to bed before dinner. 

He didn’t see the dark circles back then. 

Or the tired shake in her legs or how she stilled every time the Chairman mentioned In Woo’s name. 

He slept through their fights. White noise. 

Everything was fine. Until it wasn’t.

In Woo remembers peeking out of his room because he heard something crash. 

“ _ What do you think you’re doing?” _

_ “I can do whatever I want.” _

He sees their shadows on the wall. The Chairman stands, upright and unbending as always. His mother’s hands are shaking. 

“ _ First you treat me like I’m a stranger and then you don't let In woo out of your sight like he’s- some monster.”  _ Her voice cracks on the last word as if it hurts her to say it.

“ _ And now  _ **_this_ ** _? For how long has this been going on?”  _

The question hangs in the air. The silence is heavy, intentional. 

His mother straightens herself. Her hands are fisted to stop the shaking. 

“ _ You have a son.” _ It’s almost a whisper. 

_ “I have no son”  _ comes the reply.

In Woo feels like someone just poured a bucket of black over his head. 

Covering him from head to toe, washing him out. 

There’s no sound as his mother falls to the floor. 

“ _ You should know. You brought him into this world.”  _

_ “That is no child.” _

He watches until Chairman’s shadow recedes and the door beeps shut. He watches as his mother gets up and shallows a scream that makes her entire frame shudder horribly before going limp. 

Her shadow turns and In Woo shuts the door softly and gets into his bed. 

He’s pretending to sleep when the door opens and she comes in and she combs his hair with her fingers. 

He would’ve opened them, would have asked what’s wrong. 

If he knew. 

But he didn’t . 

He never did. 

He couldn’t understand why she was screaming. Why the Chairman didn’t smile at him. 

Even though he could see their pain, their fear. 

It never registered. 

In the end, his eyes are closed and he’s drifting off.

He doesn’t hear the water filling the tub. 

His mother is gone before dawn. 

Alone. 

He had seen her in the morning and called the Chairman because she wasn’t moving. 

The Chairman had stared at him throughout the investigation. 

_ Your fault,  _ his eyes seemed to say. 

Until In Woo couldn’t decipher whether it wasn’t. 

He’s back at the funeral.

A figure stands in front of him. 

It's Dongshik. 

_ In the end you're just a psychopath who couldn’t even save your own mother.  _ He says, smiling assuredly. Triumphant before he bends over cackling at In Woo. 

In Woo wakes up at that.

His heart is beating faster than he’s used to. He wipes the sweat on his forehead and stares at the ceiling for the rest of the night.

**********

A week passes before Dongshik’s next visit. 

After having a two day back and forth with Dr. Jung In Woo agrees. __

“ _ Conversation helps and It's rare to find someone so willing that you don’t need to work too hard to be around. It’ll help make your progress faster. Think of as a way to work things out.” _

What In Woo takes out of it is that it’ll look better on his report. 

The other expectations are shut out before they could take shape. 

This time Dongshik visits, he’s prepared. 

Partiality, at least . Because Dr. Jung had a guilty conscience and informed him in the morning when he did his rounds. 

It gives In Woo a full ten minutes to wrap his head around the idea before a fluffy head peaks out of the door after a knock. 

He never understood why people knock if they weren't going to wait for a response anyway. 

Dongshik shuffles in and the first thing In Woo notices is that he looks different with glasses. 

It fell right in with his new image as a writer. Too much so that knowing Dongshik he chose those antique round frames just for that purpose. 

“You look like a writer now. ” In Woo says and Dongshik stammers out an awkward,  _ thanks _ and adjusts the glasses with a small smile. 

“I still haven’t agreed to this-  _ what was this? _ In Woo wonders for a second.  _ A penance? A test? _ He still doesn’t trust Dongshik– “situation.”

Dongshik rolls his eyes and bats away his concerns and In Woo has to remind himself that he had no power over the man to do anything about it.

_ Not that power ever stopped him. _

He remembers being dragged out by the sleeve by the ex salary worker in question to the horror of the entire asset management department. 

Dongshik was always blissfully ignorant until life pointed a gun at his head, pun intended. 

Dongshik has another box with him today . 

“ It’s strawberry and cream waffles.” He informs cheerfully setting the box down. 

In Woo is pleasantly surprised at the choice. 

He likes strawberries. 

Dongshik sits down and begins to talk.

He talks about the restaurant that it’s doing well and how Chilsung acted off a thug and cried at the feat. His tone subdues and becomes less animated as he says that Bokyung had been promoted thanks to the serial murder case under her belt and becomes flippant as he dumps the company gossip, that Ji hoon is driving the company insane and that the market isn’t in favour of a security company who’s Chairman got shot. Dongshik talks, and talks.

In Woo tries not to tune him out because he’s waiting for Dongshik to actually  _ begin.  _

To get to the point. 

To nobody’s surprise, Dongshik doesn’t and In Woo can’t take it anymore, he was never one for small talk. He clicks his tongue. 

“Look here Yook Dongshik, if you don’t have anything to say you can leave, no one is keeping you.” He grounds out and Dongshik looks at him like he just said that the earth was flat. 

“But I am.” He says. 

In Woo laughs in disbelief. 

“Why does any of what you said concern me?” Dongshik is silent at that.

In Woo frowns. Dongshik looks embarrassed. 

He adjusts his glasses again and mutters.

“I didn’t have a good conversation opener, alright.” 

Then he narrows his eyes at In Woo and pouts dejectedly. 

“It’s nice to see that you haven’t changed.” 

In Woo smiles at that. 

“I have no reason to.” 

Dongshik nods, mouth still twisted. 

They lapse into silence with In Woo looking at Dongshik and Dongshik picking at his sweater. 

In Woo sighs,  _ apparently I have to do all the work around here.  _

If Dongshik wasn’t talking then In woo will ask the questions. At least that way he can steer the conversation. 

“What were you sorry about Yook Dongshik?” he asks and watches as Dongshik’s hands pause their assault on the knitted wool. 

He looks up at In Woo with an expression In Woo has seen on him when he was called into the team manager’s office. 

_ Good.  _

In Woo thinks. It was nice to see that he wasn’t the only one troubled after that. 

“I thought you didn’t hear that” Dongshik admits and In Woo is torn between intrigue and annoyance. 

The latter wins over and he snaps. “You shouldn’t say things you can’t take responsibility for then should you?” 

Dongshik opens his mouth to defend himself but closes it immediately and shrinks back into his chair.

He mumbles something to the floor. 

“... For what I said...” is all In Woo hears. 

“Speak up” he snaps. 

_ Honestly _ , he despised cowering. But to his credit, Dongshik makes up for it.

In excess. 

Dongshik’s face is crumpled with feeling when he looks up. In Woo can almost  _ hear _ a tragic soundtrack in the background. 

“I’m sorry for what I said! In Woo, I’m sorry  _ for _ –  _ for- _ ” he breaths in, shoulders rising.

“ I’m sorry for calling you an animal.” 

His eyes are so wide that In Woo wonders whether they’d pop out. 

He looks at Dongshik warily, waiting for him to go  _ just kidding.  _ But he doesn’t.

Instead to In Woo’s absolute horror he hears a sniffle. 

Dongshik was crying. 

In Woo retreats back in his bed as his mind flits back to the last time Dongshik had bawled very messily all over his suit while hugging him with a death grip. 

But to his relief the sniffles stop and Dongshik wipes his eyes, the imaginary soundtrack coming to its end. 

There’s a pause before Dongshik starts talking again . His eyes are still on the floor. 

“I really meant it then, you know and I was so  _ angry _ at you, at how you did what you did  _ without a second thought.  _ I didn’t get it- couldn’t- I thought- no, I  _ wanted  _ you to be humiliated.”

He looks at In Woo briefly before shifting his eyes to the wall behind him.

“I don’t forgive you, well not entirely and I’m not saying you're not responsible for your crimes. Because they are still crimes. 

Horrific. Crimes.” 

He states, tone uncharacteristically plain. 

In Woo is silent as he looks back at him. His eyes are hard, sharp and In Woo finds himself holding his breath for the implied continuation. 

_ But- _

“But I put a lot of thought in it after that you know,” He wrings his hands.

“Someone made you into  _ that _ . I know that it's not  _ entirely _ your fault.”

His eyes are softer now, like a wobbling egg yolk. 

And In Woo wants nothing but to stab it and let the liquid ooze out and bleed it dry.

Until there’s no more of this sympathy. 

But he doesn’t. 

He feels the hairs at the back of his neck standing up. 

_ Someone.  _

“Why-”In Woo starts. 

Dongshik wants to understand. 

_ Why? _

The words ring in his head. 

He had been shutting out the idea of what just happened every time it cropped up as he thought about their last meeting, not wanting to play with a fantasy that he himself didn’t know the nature of. 

_ Why does Dongshik want to— _

“Why do you think so?” In Woo asks. 

It’s an easier question. A more rational one. 

Dongshik bites his lip.

“When I was recording you from outside the villa. I could only see you, you know,” there’s a pause. 

“Killed your father...” He trails off.

In Woo doesn’t react. There’s only bitter taste in his mouth at the memory now. 

“... I didn’t hear what you said.” He finishes. 

In Woo frowns. It doesn’t make sense. 

“You think you’re wrong about me based on an  _ assumption _ ? On something you’ve not even understood yet?”

Dongshik shakes his head at that. 

“Ah ,no! it's not that - you’ve always tried to impress the Chairman haven’t you? Bokyung shi told me- that you said so.” 

_ Ah ,that cop and her illegal lie detector. _

“I’m pretty sure you know that those things don’t work on me.”

Dongshik looks at him carefully. “I saw the recording In Woo shi, 

It didn’t look like you were lying.” 

In Woo sighs. 

He was caught off guard back then.

But one sentence couldn’t have been enough?  _ Could it? _

_ Trust takes work doesn’t it?  _

In Woo knows this better than anyone. 

Trust wasn’t given easy for him. 

He remembers detective Shin’s mistrusting eyes, Dongshik’s cautious ones. 

He understands, he’s different.

Too intense, too mild, too much or nothing at all.

_ “I am always suspicious. That is how I survived.” _

The Chairman had always made In Woo understand that. 

In Woo had to prove himself to the greatest extent, had to take care of that noodle brained lizard’s every scandal to prove that he didn’t try to kill him. 

And he was still not acknowledged. 

_ One sentence _ ... In Woo couldn’t trust that. 

“So that’s it?” In Woo asks. 

“That’s all you need to believe that I’m what, redeemable?”  _ How? Why? After trying to kill you more than once?  _

He’d understand it better if Dongshik spit in his face. But Dongshik simply blinks, like he can’t understand why In Woo’s wary. 

“Isn’t that enough?” Dongshik says and suddenly In Woo realizes the answer to his earlier gripe. 

In Woo laughs as the realization hits him, it spreads down to the tips of his fingers.

_ Why? _

In Woo recalls the letters that he had taken from the memorial hall, and read out with a mix of mirth and bitterness. 

“ _ It’s not bad to be a good person.” _

“ _ Ha _ ” He exhales

_ Why?  _ The answer was sitting in front of him. 

_ Because Dongshik trusts people.  _

_ Because it's  _ **_Dongshik_ ** _. _

Anything is reason enough. 

In Woo closes his eyes. They feel heavy. He laughs.  _ Of course.  _

_ Because it’s Dongshik.  _

In Woo thinks that just maybe, he could trust that. 

  
  


*********

If you ask Yook Dongshik why he’s standing in front of the room that houses the person who was the reason he went to prison and almost got killed, he  _ could _ tell you. 

But he’s not sure whether you’d believe him.

The roots to the event could be traced back to when he was finishing up his novel for publishing.

Dongshik taps his finger on the page he held in his hands.

Bokyung looks at him over her coffee. 

“What’s wrong this time?” she asks as Dongshik’s lips tip down.

“I’ve told the editor multiple times that I can’t  _ just _ make a character a madman but  _ look _ at this.”

He flaps the page in frustration. 

“What on earth does he mean by, 'make it more evil?'  _ What evil? Where’s the evil? _ How can he overlook my  _ entire character construction process  _ and slap over a  _ More Evil? _ ” 

Dongshik seethes and lets the paper fall onto the table. 

Bokyung sighs and sets down her coffee. 

She’s used to his moods, especially when it came to his work.

“Well maybe it’s because the more evil the villain, the more sympathy you feel for the victim?” She suggests. 

It’s reasonable.

Most things Bokyung says are reasonable, being a profiler and all.

Dongshik supposes it comes with the job.

But there can be more than one rationalization.

“But don’t you think there needs to be something more than just –” Dongshik breaks off, and stabs his fork on the paper. “Senseless manslaughter? And what, evil for the sake of it? What’s so great about something you can’t  _ understand mph _ —Bokyung stuffs a piece of cake in his mouth to stop his rising hysteria.

“Stop scaring the customers Dongshik shi, and calm down.”

Bokyung laughs as Dongshik gasps, eyes widening comically. 

He simmers for a moment, (at the  _ betrayal _ ) before swallowing. 

“I still don’t want to change it.” He mutters and Bokyung hums, stroking her imaginary beard as she thinks. 

“Maybe they think that way because there’s no point to it?”

Dongshik scoffs “Of course there’s a  _ point _ , everything has a reason, you know this Bokyung shi” he says. 

Bokyung shrugs. 

“But do the reasons matter?” She asks. 

Dongshik frowns, “I don’t understand why shouldn’t they?”

“Well it doesn’t change the fact that they, the villain in question , is still a villain.” She explains and takes a sip of her drink before continuing. 

“A tragic backstory doesn’t change that.” 

“it’s not that it’s that  _ its _ \- that choices can’t be made in isolation can they?” He asks. 

Bokyung nods slowly, after rolling the idea a while in her head.

“Exactly.” Dongshik pounces on the answer. 

“But the choices were still made, and well what’s there to it?”

Bokyung says a small smile playing on her lips and Dongshik slumps in his seat. 

“I feel like you’re doing this on purpose." 

Bokyung laughs at how dejected he looks. She pushes her waffle to him.

Dongshik scoffs at the attempt to apologise but accepts the waffle nonetheless. 

“I suppose this is why you’re a writer Dongshik shi.”

Bokyung says. Dongshik looks up from the waffle, waiting for her to continue .

“To you they're characters right? Nothing they do would affect you.” 

She crosses her arms and leans back on her chair with a sigh. 

“But to me, their criminals,  _ very real people _ with consequences, and because of that,” Bokyung shrugs. 

“I don’t think I’d ever want to get into a criminal’s head more than what’s required.”

Dongshik blinks, confused. “But you’re all about going an extra mile aren’t you Bokyung shi?”

He yelps as Bokyung slaps his hand. 

“ I recall that extra mile playing a pretty big part in clearing your name Dongshik shi .” 

She says, face pulled in faux annoyance. Dongshik grins sheepishly. 

“But that only applies when there’s a victim.” She emphasizes. 

“That’s my priority, besides...” She trails off, eyes following her finger circling the mug. 

“There are some people, I don’t  _ want _ to understand.” She says .

Dongshik wanted to slap himself. 

He’d completely forgotten her father, the pain he’d gone through because of one man. He looks at her apologetically. 

“I’m sorry Bokyung shi, I should have used my head a bit more.” He says and Bokyung’s lips curl up at how sulky he looks.

She waves a hand as if to physically disperse the sudden heavy atmosphere. 

“It’s fine Dongshik shi, it's all in the past now.” She says. 

“ We caught the bad guy and that’s all I wanted.” Dongshik nods slowly. 

“And no tragic backstory can change that.” 

Bokyung says triumphant, satisfied and raises her mug in a toast. 

Dongshik nods, not wanting to continue the conversation.

_ Of course, nothing changes.  _

But there was a tiny part of him that couldn’t get over the conversation. 

_ Nothing changes.  _

_ But doesn’t it? _

Dongshik shakes his thoughts away, not wanting to dwell on them

Apparently things  _ do _ change. 

This much Dongshik gathers from the slew of curses Bokyung screams into the phone with which she wakes Dongshik up at 5. 00 a.m. on a Saturday.

“They let  _ him _ out I swear you could give them  _ gold _ and they’ll let it slip for a better offer the fucking  _ idiots-  _ Bokyung fumes and Dongshik just listens— which is all he could do anyway, possibly for the best—until she runs out of steam. 

“Um, Bokyung shi... who’s what now?” 

Dongshik asks, trying shake the haze of sleep.

He hears a frustrated squeak from the other side and winces at the decibel level. 

_ Too loud, too early.  _ He probably shouldn’t have asked that. 

He’s about to pass it off as a joke when Bokyung answers him.

“ _ Seo In Woo, _ he’s out, pleaded insanity.”

And all desires to go back to sleep are ripped away from him. 

It takes about a day for Dongshik to wrap his head around the idea. 

At first he panics, what if he comes after him?

After all, he’d been the one who put him away in the first place. 

Then after an emergency meeting at the Meat Republic after closing hours with Chilsung, Taek Soo, Bokyung and the rest of his family huddled around a metal table he’s assured, (extremely adamantly) that nothing is going to happen. 

Dongshik has to stop Chilsung from coming home with him with a crowbar to stand guard. 

“It's fine” Dongshik insists. 

It really is. Time passes smoothly and after he got through the initial shock Dongshik found himself back in his usual routine with his arguments with his editor and impromptu scene building at crime scenes. 

He promised himself not to go digging into the current situation,  _ It’ll only frustrate you, look at Bokyung. _

But Dongshik’s curious. Sue him.

Yet with only the bare minimum news coming to him, he finds his mind wandering back.

Sometimes he finds his mind wandering to the former CEO,  _ and certified serial killer  _ and falls into the messy road that he carves out of his amnesic misunderstandings. 

He cringes at his bluffs and attempts at mayhem, wonders why he didn’t understand that that red diary was more expensive than most things he owned and pats himself on the back for his final performance to catch In Woo. 

It was really something.

His thoughts come a full circle and he’s usually out of them with that.

But these days he seems to linger in them a bit more.

He finds himself thinking on why In Woo was so happy when he thought Dongshik was one of  _ his _ kind. 

_ Usually, wouldn’t it be competition?  _

_ Perhaps kinship? _

He muses, it isn’t too far fetched. 

Dongshik remembers how annoyed he was back when he misguidedly identified as a psychopathic killer and had to  _ pretend  _ to be nice;the silent acceptance of the fact that no one would understand you if you actually act like yourself. 

In Woo probably felt like that for longer. 

Dongshik sighs. 

Now that he doesn’t have to worry about getting killed or catching the bad guy he could actually  _ think back _ about said bad guy without hate burning at the back of his throat... much. 

_ Time apparently does heal –  _

_ What about the time he held a gun at Bokyung’s neck? _

_ … _

_ -at least a little. _

He sighs. 

_ Or maybe I’m just too stupid for my own good. _

Bokyung would probably agree, and then sulked or punched him. 

So Dongshik doesn’t tell her.

  
  


He’s about to turn in for the day, after being working on his novel for the last two weeks he decides to take to the Internet and reconnect to the happenings of the civilized world. 

In other words, his Wi-Fi lagged too much to watch anything so reading was the next best thing because he’s already gone over his movies.

Dongshik stretches out in his bed and flips over some articles without looking into them too much. 

Nothing seems to catch his attention. Between the latest drama recaps and some political scandal he’s just about to give up and  _ get some sleep _ until his eyes stray to the title of one article near the bottom of his recommendations.

_ The Predator Killer of Seoul : What you didn’t know. _ Dongshik scoffs. 

_ It’s been, what? over 3 months and they still have more fuel?  _

Dongshik wishes he could have that steady sustenance for his work. 

He’s seen his fair share of articles on the matter. Some which were pretty decent, but nothing new and others which were just outright lies.

(He’s pretty sure he read somewhere that the secret behind In Woo’s immaculate hair was that he was a vampire. ) 

Dongshik clicks on it anyway. 

He reads through the first few paragraphs and so far there’s nothing new, former CEO,  _ kills without remorse, had a secret room with all his murder weapons _ —Dongshik winces at the memory of stabbing himself in that morbid place— _ had a bad relationship with his family _ —This catches his attention but Dongshik knew as much, he shot his father in the head and then tried to kill his step brother. That kind of screams,  _ bad blood. _

He doesn’t want to admit but he was curious as to  _ why  _ . 

Bokyung had shown him the tapes from the lie detector and while Dongshik knew In Woo could fake it without breaking a sweat, the pause before he answered had made a bell ding in his head. 

_ Family.  _

That’s when he had connected the dots and figured that the unmentioned mother had something to do with that pause, that muted anger. 

Of course, he hadn’t known what had happened in reality .

Dongshik just worded it in the most provoking way possible, to render In Woo out of his wits long enough. 

He really didn’t know, until he read on for a few more seconds before his fingers froze on the screen.

_ The late Mrs. Seo’s death was reported as a suicide. Seo In Woo was confirmed to have been the only other person in the house at the time.  _

Dongshik re-reads the passage and frowns. 

_ You shouldn’t joke about these things.  _

He sighs. _ The lengths people would go for a view.  _

_ But what if it's true?  _

Dongshik swats the thought away as soon as it comes to him. 

_ It's just tabloid news, nothing you should trust. _

He reminds himself. 

He sets his phone aside and stares up at the ceiling in silence.

Bad idea.

The silence made space for those nagging thoughts to fully inhabit his mind.

_ What if it is true? _

So what if it was? Dongshik tries to reason. 

_ Why did she kill herself? _

Stress? Depression? 

_ Did he kill her?  _ Dongshik frowns. 

No, doesn’t fit his MO. Besides he doesn’t  _ hate  _ her. 

_ And how do you know that?  _ His inner voice chimes. 

_ Because he couldn’t  _ **_save_ ** – 

_ The only person who wasn’t mentioned in the diary. _

Dongshik remembers how In Woo’s eyes shifted when he had mentioned it. 

It wasn’t hate, like the look he had when he shot his father... 

He had looked,  _ shocked? Lost? Confused? _

Dongshik couldn’t place it exactly. It had unnerved him. 

Had he seen this person die? 

He gulps. 

Serial killer or not, he wouldn’t wish that on anybody. 

The one person who he didn’t hate? 

And with that his mental debate comes to a screeching halt.

_ In the end you’re a psychopath who couldn’t even save your own mother. _

Back then he didn’t really think about it when he said it. He didn’t think it’d be something like this-  _ but you don’t know if it’s true –  _

_ But what if it was? _

The ceiling blurrs above him.

He pulls the sheet over his head, hoping his doubts would stay on the other side. 

Dongshik wishes he could say that he wouldn’t look into it. 

It’s been a while. He doesn’t need to know. Not really. 

Suddenly he gets what Bokyung was going on about.

_ I guess it’s different when it’s a person. _

A person who almost succeeded in single-handedly ruining your life. 

He resurfaces from the sheets, annoyed. 

At that article eating up his sleeping time. 

At himself for wanting to find more about it. 

He wishes he could leave it be. He  _ should.  _

Dongshik has nothing to do with him anymore. 

Mother or no mother

_ It changes nothing.  _

_ If you’re so sure then it’ll do no harm to verify it right?  _

_ But –  _

_ Or are you afraid of what you’d find? _

He closes his eyes and groans in frustration. 

  
  


_ I’m sorry Bokyung shi. _

Sometimes he wishes he had her unyielding principles. 

But Dongshik is Dongshik and he had his own set of those.

A set which told him that everything happens for a reason .

And that despite everything, that reason is important. 

_ Because it changes things. _

_ It does. _

*********

  
  


In Woo likes the waffles better than the cake. It’s just the right amount of crisp and he takes his time eating it. 

Because that also gives him something to do besides anticipating the question Dongshik throws at him.

In Woo is spreading the cream over the waffle when Dongshik speaks. 

“In Woo shi, can I ask you something?”

In Woo sighs, “Do I even get to say no?”

He can. And Dongshik probably would not question it.

But this going in his record since Dr. Jung already informed him of the matter. 

So he lets Dongshik continue.

_ (And maybe he was a tiny bit curious but he’s not telling anyone that) _

Dongshik seems to be regretting his question even before he asks. He scrunches his face and turns away from In Woo. 

In Woo has seen this classic Dongshik fretting many-a-times in the past and still has no patience for it. 

“Come on, spit it out.” He snaps and Dongshik side eyes him, speculative and turns away again. 

In Woo sighs. 

“I can’t kill you here anyway.” He adds. 

“Why hadn’t you written anything about your mother in your diary?” Dongshik asks and then immediately squeezes his eyes shut as if he’s expecting an attack, but In Woo is a little too taken aback to retaliate in the expected fashion.

Apparently there’s no getting used to Dongshik’s curveballs. They just seem to hit harder every time.

“Why do you want to know?” In Woo retorts. There’s a bite in his words and he’s a little 

satisfied when Dongshik winces at it. 

_ Good. _

Those words should haunt him as much as they do In Woo.

In Woo figures Dongshik’s reasons are not the same as his but it felt good nonetheless.

“I-uh-when I pointed it out to you ahem, back when you  _ were _ trying to  _ kill us _ ”

Dongshik says.

“You sort of froze up, i mean don’t get me wrong I totally went for that effect-” He continues hastily, hands moving so fast that In Woo could only see a blur. 

“But it didn’t really cross my mind as to _why_ you reacted like that – _well I mean I had no reason to,_ you _were_ trying to _kill_ _us_.”

He iterates. Trying to make In Woo aware of his reasons. 

As if In Woo can judge them. 

Is Dongshik sorry for trying to save himself? 

_ No wait.  _

In Woo realizes. 

He’s sorry for hurting In Woo’s  _ feelings.  _

_ (Heaven forbid anyone worrying after In Woo’s feelings.) _

In Woo scowls at the implication but doesn’t stop Dongshik, who’s too far gone to stop now. 

“But I’ve been thinking you know, there’s probably a  _ reason _ that you did so flustered. I mean there  _ has _ to be right?” He finishes eyes hopeful for a second before he catches In Woo’s scowl. 

“Right?” He repeats, his voice wavering. 

In Woo is silent for a moment. 

He watches Dongshik pick at his knitted sweater while he mulls over whether to answer. 

_ Not yet.  _ He decides. 

“Why do you want to know?” Not until he’s sure of his motives. 

Not until he’s sure whether Dongshik wants to believe him.

“Why does it matter now?” He asks. Dongshik pounces on the question.

“Well, look it would – no wait  _ should  _ have mattered back then as well , okay?” He explains.

In Woo raises an eyebrow. He isn’t convinced. Dongshik huffs. 

“But we were a bit preoccupied with catching you and you were so  _ infuriating  _ that well we weren’t really looking for ways to  _ feel sorry  _ for you-” Dongshik halts, eyes wide. He’s about to take it back but In Woo doesn’t let him.

“Feel sorry? Is that why you want to know?” In Woo sets onto cutting out a piece of the waffle. 

He can  _ feel  _ Dongshik freaking out, trying to put things on track again. But it’s too late.

“I don’t need you to feel sorry for me Yook Dongshik.”

He can see Dongshik’s Adam’s apple bob as he gulps. 

He clasps his hands, trying to still himself before he says.

“I know you don’t. That’s not what this is about.”

In Woo sets down his fork with a scoff. “Then what  _ is _ it about?”

Dongshik picks at the fabric of his jeans . 

“I’m not really sure myself, I was going to apologise and then...” He looks over at In Woo and continues. Haltingly but sure. 

“I guess l just wanted to get to know more about you.”

In Woo’s brain blanks and he almost drops his fork and Dongshik smiles like he didn’t just shine a flashlight straight into his eyes, making him see stars where he really shouldn’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also completely random but kudos to anyone who nows where In Woo’s lawyer( in chapter 01) is from hehe


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Understanding isn't hard. If you allow for it to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise. I suck at time management it seems but the good news is, this is UP yey] *pats myself on the back*  
> Hope you like it 🌸

Dongshik doesn’t ask him anything else after that. 

They just eat the waffles.

Well, Dongshik eats while In Woo picks at it. 

How Dongshik manages to be so comfortable with him here makes no sense to him. Unlike before when he was approaching Dongshik and being overly polite, all smiles and subtle probes, right now he’s not putting up an act to seem  _ normal _ .

In fact In Woo is pretty sure that he doesn’t even pass the bare minimum requirements of being decent company, being utterly devoid of emotions and not really trying to keep the conversation going.

And yet, Dongshik doesn’t seem to be phased by his silence. 

He doesn’t complain like Ji Hoon and his step mother who says that he’s  _ unresponsive _ or that the silence is  _ unnerving _ . 

(behind his back of course, they were too scared to say it to his face.)

And Dongshik  _ isn’t _ jabbering by himself to cover up for it either but In Woo finds himself unable to relax because it's  _ Dongshik.  _ **_Not_ ** _ running his mouth for once.  _

Dongshik sets his fork down. “You know,” he starts and In Woo is almost glad.

Almost. 

“I’m pretty sure all this is pretty strange, but I’m going to take the fact that you didn’t kick me out or tried to maim me as confirmation that you want to give it a try.” Dongshik says. 

In Woo shrugs, “Perhaps.” He looks at Dongshik and smirks. “What exactly are we trying again?” Dongshik rolls his eyes. 

“Talking, In Woo shi  _ Talking."  _ He says and In Woo sighs.

Easier said than done. “I’m not one for chitchat” In Woo says. Flashbacks of Dongshik talking his ear off flit across his mind.

“You should know.” He nods towards Dongshik who seems to have the decency to be sheepish.

“Yes well, that was me talking and you listening”

“ _ -Trying _ to listen. I tuned you out after the first couple of seconds.” In Woo corrects. 

Dongshik smiles through gritted teeth. “I’m currently deliberating whether to just whack you on the head and leave.” 

In Woo cracks a smile. “Then why don’t you?” 

“Because I want to listen this time and  _ you’re _ going to talk. ” He says. Dongshik smiles sneakily. 

“I seem to recall you being  _ very _ interested in talking before you realized I had your diary.”

In Woo scowls as he remembers his attempts to  _ get to know _ Dongshik. The stupid hope he had- thinking he had found someone like him. It irks him now, to the point of wanting to bang his head against wall. 

“That was a while ago, and under… different perceptions” In Woo says. 

“Doesn’t change the fact that you still wanted someone to talk to you know.” Dongshik shoots back at him.

“Maybe that was true” In Woo concedes. 

“But that was before I realized-” He breaks off. 

Dongshik’s eyes on him now looked nothing like what he had thought he had seen back then. 

They were open, hopeful and ridiculously wide. “-I realized that-” His throat constricts around his words. 

_ Before I realized that you were never like me, and that like them, you couldn’t understand.  _

“-that you were an amnesic simpleton.” In Woo finishes, looking away.

He hopes that Dongshik didn’t catch that slip up.

It isn’t like him to forget to filter his thoughts. 

He’s usually quite proficient at it. 

Regardless, even if Dongshik had noticed he doesn’t say anything. 

Instead he gasps, offended. 

“ _ Simpleton? _ What part of my trap to catch you seemed retarded to you?” He demands.

In Woo manages a smile that he hopes seems condescending . 

Dongshik shakes his head. 

He opens his mouth to retort before realizing that the conversation is going off track and shutting up. 

“Anyway, as I was saying I’m all ears to what you’ve got.” Dongshik says.

In Woo scoffs. “Why now, you all seemed pretty set on what I am before this.”

He settles back into the pillows, a picture of a man without a care for the world.

“ _ Don’t _ say you’re doing this out of your heart, you’ve already said that and I still don’t buy it."

_ Entirely. _

In Woo secretly hopes that that was the case. It would be nice for a change to not try to find out ulterior motives and not having to constantly be on his toes not to slip up. 

If Dongshik is just here because he-  _ cares?  _ \- wants to understand, then-

In Woo can just be himself. 

Of course his brain wouldn’t settle that easily. He finds another suspicion crawl out of the woodwork. His eyes narrow.

“You can’t be desperate enough for material for your work to come see me.”  _ Right?  _

The look on Dongshik’s face tells him that the farthest from the truth he could get.

Dongshik’s silent, jaw squared to stop himself from retorting. 

In Woo doesn’t try to brush it off either. He knows it’s a ridiculous assumption.

Dongshik isn’t exploitive. It’s stupid.

_ Is it? He seemed to be under your thumb back then before completely flipped the tables on you. _

People can lie without a second thought, whip up a justification for any bad thing. 

“Is it  _ so _ hard to believe that I just want to hear your side of the story?”

Dongshik doesn’t sound hurt. He sounds curious. 

In Woo doesn’t even need to think before he says, “Yes.” He sees Dongshik bite his lip before his head drops to his chin. 

In Woo knows he’s probably hurt his feelings. 

Then Dongshik begins to shake his head and In Woo swears he heard a chuckle. “What am I going to do with you?” He says. 

And just like that, whatever tension there was disappears like it never existed in the first place.

As if all of it was just in In Woo’s head all along. 

In Woo can’t keep his mouth from falling open. There was something more wrong with this man than there was with him. 

“Aren’t you annoyed?” In Woo asks.

This is around the time most people would give up and leave.  _ Isn’t it? _ When their sincerity is so rudely pushed aside?

Dongshik raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Should I be?”

_ Apparently not.  _

“I’m saying I don’t trust you.” In Woo says. Dongshik winces at that but brushes it off with a shrug. 

“That’s fine. I mean, I’m not going to steal your story if that’s what your worried about – ” 

“That’s not –” 

“ – I wouldn’t spend my time trying to get it out if you if I just wanted to find  _ more _ reasons to hate you, you know.” Dongshik states.

In Woo freezes for a second.

“That’s not –” He starts after regaining his senses. “That’s not what I’m worried about.”

_ Lies _ .

Dongshik had said exactly what In Woo had forced himself not to think about. 

Dongshik smiles. “Oh so you  _ are _ worried.” He sing songs. In Woo groans. He wants to smack his face on the table. 

“ _ No _ ” he says vehemently and Dongshik feigns being scared.

In Woo really wants to throw him out a window. 

What right does this man have to just waltz into his life and send him into an unnecessary emotional turmoil?

“I’m not worried.” He repeats. Dongshik nods, knowingly.

“Well then, there’s nothing holding you back is there? I can take care of myself,” He says and leans forward, “So you can say everything you want to.”

Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly. In Woo doesn’t know anymore. ) there’s no talk afterwards. Well, nothing groundbreaking.

In Woo’s pride didn’t let him continue right after Dongshik offered.

He refuses to be that easy.

He’s aware he’s being a kindergartener about the whole thing, not letting Dongshik get the upper hand .

But in his defense,  _ he’s _ the one who’s  _ (apparently) _ going to spill his  _ ‘deepest, darkest secrets _ ’, 

so he can take it at any pace he wants to. 

Dongshik leaves with a wave and an autograph for the attendant who plays it cool until Dongshik leaves, then promptly does a happy tap dance almost dropping In Woo’s lunch. 

He has an appointment after that and Dr. Jung asks how the visit went and In Woo finds himself talking, his frustrations fueling him on. 

“He’s too curious for his own good, says its out of if the  _ goodness of his heart- _ what is he? A carebear? It makes no sense and then that idiot starts laughing,  _ laughing _ at me. How dare he- If he’s completely sane then I’m a  _ fucking flower-” _ In Woo stops, realizing that he’s said far more than his usual quota of words.

He sighs and sits back.  _ Well, isn’t this just great.  _ He had single handedly shot himself in the foot.

In Woo scowls as he sees Dr. Jung’s expression of pure awe.

There is no way In Woo can convince him to rope him out of visitations now. Dongshik is probably his new god now. 

“I’m glad to see this improvement In Woo shi” Dr. Jung is practically  _ glowing.  _ Like he finally got to the top of the mountain he’s been climbing. 

“Improvement? I’m fairly sure my reactions were quite negative.”

In Woo says in a last ditch attempt to save himself but that only makes his doctor more excited. 

“ _ Exactly! _ You’re engaging and it doesn’t seem that you hate him, which is more than I could say for your  _ other  _ visitors _.  _ ”

Dr. Jung says, crinkling his nose.

In Woo couldn’t disagree. When Ji Hoon had visited him In Woo had chased him out after scaring him to never be able to walk alone in the dark again. But then again, it doesn’t take much to scare Ji Hoon. Because his sense of fear was alive and well. 

_ Unlike Dongshik's _ . 

Yet, In Woo can’t say he didn’t  _ like _ the visit.

Well, he  _ could _ . He could roll with his lie and probably make it believable. It’s not beyond him.

_ He’s _ not beyond it. 

But he doesn’t. 

Instead he says nothing beyond, “Do as you see fit.”, looking as unbothered as he could manage. 

_ It's just intrigue. You just want to know where he stands.  _

And since when was that important? 

In Woo shuts off his brain, not liking what he sees there. 

Dr. Jung looks grateful when he smiles. In Woo doesn’t know why, but he doesn’t dwell on it and instead sips his earl grey and looks out of the window while Dr. Jung rings up the reception to confirm the next visitation. 

Outside, the evening sky looks warm. Oranges with streaks of pink, tinting everything in In Woo’s vision yellow. 

He doesn’t find it wholly unpleasant. 

………..

Dongshik visits regularly now. He visits enough times that they’ve worked their way across all the dessert menus at whatever shop Dongshik buys the stuff from. He mentions this when he visits In Woo next, coming in empty handed. 

“I didn’t know what you’d want to try again.” He says.

They're outside today, on the rooftop. It was deserted save for the two guards that were trying to blend in with the foliage to their right. 

At least that makes them easier to ignore when they sit down on the two chairs on either side of a smooth cement block that acts as a table. 

In Woo shrugs. He’s a bit glad that Dongshik forgot since he’s been enjoying these snacks far too much. He’s been quite hung up on them. 

“It's fine.”In Woo says. Dongshik pouts, cheeks puffing in a very hamster-esque fashion and In Woo has a strange desire to fling his chair at him.

“I mean it.” He reassures before he catches himself. He clicks his tongue. He’s been slipping up a lot lately.

Dongshik however, true to his obvious self doesn’t notice In Woo’s internal conflict and simply nods with an easy smile.

“So In Woo shi, what would you like to talk about today?” He asks leaning forward making it very hard for In woo to  _ not _ look at Dongshik’s eyes which glint in the mild morning sunlight. In Woo scoffs. “I already have therapist Dongshik shi.” He says.

Dongshik narrows his eyes at him. “Well maybe I should just leave then.”

In Woo shrugs. “Do as you like.” He says and closes his eyes with a sigh. 

“Why do you do that?” He opens his eyes to a curious pair of eyes under furrowed eyebrows. In Woo blinks.

“Do what exactly?” He asks. Dongshik lets out an impatient sigh. 

“You still act as if you want me to leave.” He says, pointing an accusing finger at In Woo.

He laughs at that. He can’t help it.

“You shouldn’t take everything so seriously Dongshik shi.” He says.

Dongshik splutters for a moment before recovering. “ _ I’m sorry _ , I’m still not sure whether you’re here because you’re forced to or you think I’m here because I feel some sort of  _ obligation _ .”Dongshik says. He looks at In Woo’s raised eyebrows and adds “It was a tasteless joke as well.”, under his breath.

In Woo scoffs but there’s no bite in it.

They lull into a comfortable silence. The tension eases out of Dongshik’s shoulders as he slouches.

In Woo thinks about how easy it would be to strangle him. If he had reason to, which at the moment he doesn’t.

What makes his fingers itch is that Dongshik is taking that chance. In Woo understands that Dongshik isn’t out to get him anymore but he’s awfully relaxed for being in the presence of the source of his suffering and In Woo still can’t wrap his head around it.  _ But it doesn’t feel like he’s underestimating me.  _ It's not that. 

It's something In Woo can’t begin to understand. 

So he decides to brush it off. 

“Can I ask you ask of something In Woo shi?” In Woo shrugs.

“What did your father tell you before you shot him?” Dongshik asks. 

In Woo can’t help it. His fingers curl around the edge of the stone table for a second at the word.  _ Father.  _ His mouth twists in disdain.

He knows that his expressions can be seen but he couldn’t find it in him to cover them.

“I’m sorry, was it too soon? “ Dongshik stutters at the face of In Woo’s obvious discomfort. In Woo just glares at him before prying his hands off the table and placing them on his lap, in an effort to collect himself.

He takes a few moments, running the scene in his head, sorting his thoughts as a precaution so as not to utter anything he’d regret later.

“He told me to not shoot Ji Hoon.” In Woo says. 

The look on Dongshik’s face tells him that that’s not what he expected him to say. But that doesn’t stop him from asking for more. 

“And?” Dongshik urges. He looks uncharacteristically serious, mouth a straight line and eyes unblinking and it ticks In Woo off. 

“And what? He begged on his knees to save his dear son. I think he was shaking,” His mouth draws up in a bitter smile. “Pathetic. The entire display was everything I despised.”

“ You were hurt.” 

In Woo’s eye twitches . Dongshik’s voice is sharp, cutting through his words. Dongshik’s gaze seems to see things that he himself didn’t want to acknowledge. 

That feeling of his chest tightening and the floor falling away from under him he had felt when he had heard those words. 

_ Don’t hurt Ji Hoon.  _

In Woo didn’t know how to feel about that. 

So he decided to play the devil’s advocate. 

“I’m a psychopath aren’t I? I don’t really need an explanation for my actions do I?" He says but Dongshik doesn’t seem to be shaken by the obvious jab. 

“You were hurt by what the chairman said weren’t you?”

He asks again. More confident this time. His voice clawed at the picture he had construed in his head, making colors bleed out of the black and white. 

Hurt. Was that what it was?

“More like betrayal.” He finds himself saying. He looks at Dongshik. Dongshik blinks, surprised as if he didn’t really expect it to be that easy. 

In Woo’s surprised too. But he’s also tired. 

Tired of trying to save the dignity of a man who’d easily throw him the wolves and walk sway as they take him apart. 

The chairman was never his father. 

“Why?” asks Dongshik and In Woo sneers. 

“Why?” he repeats. 

“ _ Why? _ I spent every waking moment of my life living the way he wanted me to. He told me to  _ get stronger, get smarter,  _ be powerful enough to step on others or be stepped on myself.” The words are scorching, they burn his throat but he’s not done. 

“So I  _ trusted _ him, because he said he’s like me that he didn’t care for what I did as long as I cleaned up. Left no traces. I worked my way up and spent my time salvaging that brother of mine did everything he ever asked me to and then he gets on his knees and  _ begs _ .”

He barks out a laugh. 

“For that  _ worthless _ excuse of a human.

_ Begs _ after telling me that weakness should be despised.”

In Woo lets out a long breath, uncurling his fingers that had bit into his palm, leaving red crescents. Rage burns white hot at the memory. He has to take a moment before he continues. 

“He brought it upon himself, told me to cut down anyone who gets in the way .” He keeps his tone light, indifferent. He ignores how Dongshik flinches. He mimics pulling a trigger.  _ Bang.  _

“So I did just that.”

In Woo breathes in. He splays his hands flat against the cold stone surface to hide the shakes. 

The whole confession, finally putting to words what’s been lurking in his brain, haunting his pages under the purposeful inkblots is making him light headed. He feels like he’s floating. Like he’s dragging a corpse to a burning fire. It’s burning, burning bright and vicious turning the heaviness into ashes. 

Somewhere in his mind he knows that he’s said far too much. That all the attempts at trying to keep himself from saying something wrong were wasted. 

He doubts Dongshik would understand. He shouldn’t care either ways. Yet he finds himself searching his face. Looking for a sign of anything- disgust, anger hell even pity. 

But Dongshik’s face his hidden under his curls and his hands are on his lap, leaving In Woo completely in the dark with a strange tightness in his throat. 

When Dongshik finally looks up his face his face is smooth, only marred by a slightly furrowed brow. 

“Do you feel bad about it?” He asks

The tightness in his throat increases at the question. 

“No.” he says. 

He hadn’t expected Dongshik to understand. In Woo is five seconds away from telling him that the meeting or talk or  _ whatever this is _ over when Dongshik begins to nod. 

In Woo stills. His eyes aren’t looking down on him. There’s no contemptuous curl to his lip.

In Woo doesn’t see disgust.

He doesn’t see pity. 

So either Dongshik with his soft eyes and weakly smiling mouth is actually understands him-

Or he’s one  _ hell _ of an actor. 

“That’s fine.” Dongshik says. His voice is steady, anchoring In Woo. Ut keeps him from closing a door and fleeing. 

“What’s fine?” In Woo asks. “I told you I don’t regret what I did.” 

Dongshik nods.

“You can’t feel guilt.” He says in a matter of fact tone that has In Woo frowning. 

“ Yes, yes which according to you makes me irredeemable, evil, the works.” He waves his hand impatiently. What is Dongshik trying to say? 

(A better question would be why In Woo cares so much about it.) 

To his surprise Dongshik shakes his head in reply. 

“I  _ thought _ you were- I thought you were…” He looks down at his hands. 

“But I also hoped that it wasn’t the case.” His voice is quiet but steady. Dongshik looks up at him and smiles. His face seemed to say  _ told you so _ . 

“And I was right.” In Woo is about to ask what business Dongshik had _hoping_ for things that don’t concern him to ignore the way the tightness in his throat eased like he’s been  _ expecting _ this. 

But Dongshik’s not done talking. He stops smiling and paused, mouth half open at a sudden realization.

In Woo waits as Dongshik ponders, worrying his lower lip until he lets out a defeated sigh. 

“I still don’t think I get it entirely.” He confesses. He narrows his eyes at In Woo for a second, before they regain their usual softness. He shrugs, leaning back. 

“But its enough for now.” He says. Dongshik turns to face the breeze and In Woo knows that he probably thinks he looks cool while in reality he simply looks like an snooty cat. 

But his brain is working overtime trying to make sense of what he’s been told to find room for a snappy comeback. 

_What’s enough?_ _What’s he saying? ._ In Woo doesn’t do cryptic. And hopes. He’s never seen anything come out if them so if Dongshik could just _say what he wants to say –_

So that he can decide whether to leave this door open longer or bolt it shut and drop Dongshik’s corpse off at the harbor. 

“ _What’s_ enough?” In Woo asks.

“Why do you –  _ trust me? –  _ believe what I said?” he tilts his head. 

“You know I can lie without breaking a sweat.” He says. 

Dongshik just looks at him, slightly exasperated. 

“I believe you because I chose to.” He pauses for a second and adds. “But also because it makes sense.”

In Woo must have looked utterly perplexed and lost- he certainly felt it. It felt like he was seven years old again, looking at his mother’s body not knowing what to make of it. – That Dongshik reaches for his hands and when In Woo doesn’t recoil, gives them a light squeeze before withdrawing them. 

“Its fine In Woo” he says. In woo has no idea  _ what’s _ fine. 

“You’re fine.”

It  _ should _ be meaningless. Those words.

He doubts Dongshik has any idea as to what he’s talking about because In Woo is In Woo and he’ll always be a cynic at heart. 

Yet it feels strangely comforting, like a hand on his head that he lets himself trust those words. 

  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying something new doesn't automatically rid you of everything you've done so far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings!   
> I'm really grateful for everyone who gave my lil ol' fic a go.   
> This is the last chapter I had planned but I think I'll need one more to clear a few things up a bit. (because i can't seem to stop making these characters suffer heh.)  
> although i can't be sure when it'll be done ahaha *cries*  
> So anyways , enjoy!

It had started to rain out of nowhere and thus their meeting was cut off quite abruptly,  _ and embarrassingly _ Dongshik cringes at the memory. He had yelped when a raindrop landed on his nose utterly ruining what he had  _ hoped _ was a heartwarming moment.

Dongshik whacks himself with a pillow.

_ Why did I have to do that? Why?Why? _

He lets out a sigh and slides down on his sofa.

“Are you okay Dongshik shi?” 

He jerks at the question before remembering that he wasn’t alone. Bokyung stares at him with raised eyebrows from the other side of the sofa.

_ Great.  _ Dongshik cries internally.

_ More embarrassment.  _

He flicks his eyes onto the horror flick they were watching and decides to play it off. He whacks himself on to head again.

“ _ Ahhh _ ~ What is he  _ doing _ ?” He screams at the screen. 

Bokyung narrows her eyes at the screen. “I think he’s dying.” 

She says looking at the screen where indeed a man was being beaten with a baseball bat.

_ Shit.  _ But Dongshik decides to commit. 

“Exactly.” He says, he fakes a frustrated sigh before jabbing a finger at the screen. “That was such an obvious move, honestly even a child could do better, if you compare it to say- to  _ the guest  _ now that scene in episode-ugh-six.” He rambles on hoping Bokyung would lose interest.

And lost interest she did. She nodded despite the obvious confusion on her face, laughing as she said that Dongshik was probably right being a “horror connoisseur” and all.

He can’t let Bokyung know he’s been visiting In Woo. 

_ She’d totally kill him. _

_ And me. _

He stuffs his face with popcorn to make him stop from accidentally slipping up.

Bokyung is shaking her head muttering something about the ineptness of the police in the movie and Dongshik nods in agreement, trying to keep his mind from wandering back to the meeting.

Bokyung leaves at around nine because she has to hand in a report she’s been avoiding for a week before her superior blows a fuse. 

Bokyung informs him of this with a grimace and Dongshik pats her shoulder sympathetically knowing how much his friend hated anything that needs her to sit at a desk that isn’t in an interrogation room before sending her off with some meat that her mother had insisted he give her. 

He closes the door with a sigh.

The day finally catches up to him and Dongshik staggers up to his bed and falls on to it. 

It was cold enough so he pulls the sheets up to his chin and sighs as he settles into the warmth.

Eyes closed his mind is given no distraction and thus proceeds to take him back to this morning again.

He really should be more careful around Bokyung. Dongshik sighs.

He loved his friend but he also knew that she was a bit set in her ways.

_ Well you can’t blame the woman her father’s life was literally destroyed by the man… _

It’ll take some pretty long conversations to get Bokyung to remotely understand what he’s doing. 

_ What  _ **_is_ ** _ he doing? _

Sometimes he feels like he doesn’t know.

In Woo hadn’t really been what he had expected. 

He was pretty surprised when he had agreed to give him- _ this  _ a chance.

It's scary how much he  _ could  _ understand him.

Dongshik opens his eyes and stares up at the ceiling. 

How much he  _ wanted  _ to understand.

Especially after today.

He clicks his tongue as he remembers what In Woo said about his father. 

_ The Chairman probably ‘didn’t mind’ In Woo’s murderous antics because it made him look better. Ugh ,talk about a fucking warped power play.  _

-Is what Dongshik assumes it was and he stands by it. 

Something about the chairman irked him far more than anything he felt about In Woo.

It’s a tacky taste, chalky and the suffocating smell of tar. Dongshik thinks back to when he talked with In Woo’s psychologist. 

“It’s a personality disorder.” The doctor said when Dongshik went to meet him about In Woo.

He offered him tea and some scones to go along with it which were long gone before their tea had started to cool down to a palatable temperature on account of Dongshik’s frustration fueled hunger. 

“And it doesn’t mean that he’s inherently  _ bad _ just that his specific circumstances brought out his worse instincts.” Dr. Jung explained before heaving a sigh and leaning back on his chair. 

“ I don’t think I need to tell you , but In Woo’s father wasn’t the greatest person for him to be around growing up.” He said.

“It's anyway hard for people diagnosed with psychopathy to trust and maintain conventional relationships but- Chairman Seo  _ really  _ made him shut people out with that attitude of his. 

“I can’t tell you any details well, partially because I don’t know much myself and I don’t want to breach my patient’s privacy.” Dongshik nodded in understanding. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t ask that of you doctor, I just… I’m not sure what exactly to  _ do _ .” Dongshik admits.

” I’ve really just been winging it and hoping he doesn’t kill me or kick me out.” He said, sheepishly. 

The doctor laughed at that. He studied Dongshik’s face curiously. 

“ I’m surprised you haven’t run off Dongshik shi, though I wouldn’t blame you even if you did.” He laughed as Dongshik opens his mouth to deny. 

“ Relax Dongshik shi, I’m not saying you will.” He takes a sip of his tea before continuing. 

“I’ve known one other person, diagnosed with In Woo’s condition.” Dongshik perked up and immediately deflated. 

He couldn’t ask the psychologist to give him his patient’s information, even if his curiosity was killing him. 

“They’re living a relatively ordinary life right now.” 

Dongshik’s eyes widened as Dr. Jung spoke up. He was swirling his tea in his cup, a wry smile on his lips. 

“Everyone needs adapting don’t you think? Even me and you.” 

He glanced at Dongshik who nodded slowly not really sure what he was getting at. Dr. Jung smiled at his confusion. 

“It's nothing profound really, we simply need to meet in the middle.”

“Don’t you think so Dongshik shi?” he asked. 

Dongshik scratched his nape sheepishly. 

He had known before coming here that he needed to not push In Woo or have any expectations but hearing it put it in focus. 

If he needs In Woo to open up he needs to let him do the talking. 

Dongshik cringed at how disastrous their first meeting was. He really didn’t want a repeat of that so he’d been extra careful.

_ But still.  _ He twisted in his seat. His chest felt constricted.  _ Sometimes In Woo really doesn’t get the message.  _

Dongshik decided to drown out his frustration with tea. 

“But of course sometimes you’ll need to pull on their rope a bit.” Dongshik blinked rapidly as Dr. Jung voiced exactly what he was thinking. 

The doctor took off his glasses with a sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Sometimes you need to remind him that you need to remind him that there’s someone on the other side.” He snorted then, startling Dongshik. 

“I know he’s my patient and all…” He winced as he looked over at Dongshik before continuing. 

”He’s quite dense isn’t he?” he asked.

Dongshik choked on his tea. 

“Quite.” 

He managed to wheeze after clearing his throat and the doctor laughed. 

He felt a lot lighter afterwards. 

  
  


It was strange. To see In Woo out if sorts so visibly after endless fake smiles and his cocky attitude.

Yet as strange as it was he felt… glad.

Dongshik smiles into the darkness of his apartment. 

_ So you can make that sort of expression as well.  _

It felt like he was actually getting somewhere, tearing at least a semblance of a hole in the stone fortress that In Woo oh so elegantly kept himself in.

Dongshik recalls how he dreaded saying something wrong and how relieved he was when In Woo didn’t just shut down and leave him with his own voice echoing back to him.

He yawns turning onto his side and snuggles into the pillows and let’s sleep take him .  _ That’s enough introspection for the day.  _ He’ll meet him tomorrow. __

_ I should probably get something to eat for tomorrow _ . 

He smiles into the pillow. In Woo had said it was fine but Dongshik could  _ see  _ that he had looked forward to the desserts. 

In Woo’s stupid pride probably made him hold his tongue. The thought makes him smile more. 

_ He’s okay.  _

He meant what he told In Woo today. 

Dongshik hopes he knows that. 

  
  


In Woo is back at the family hunting cabin. There’s a gun, locked and loaded. 

It's heavy in his hands. 

**He’s going to kill him.**

The thought is a clear certainty as he grips the gun tighter. 

He pulls it up and points it at himself, the doppelganger standing in front of him. 

“Are you going to kill me?” The other In Woo asks looking at him curiously. 

The question goes unanswered yet the answer weighs over them. 

The other In Woo smiles. 

“You can’t erase anything.” 

“I don’t want to” In Woo says and the doppelganger shakes his head. 

“Then why change? You’ve been fine for all this time. It was  _ fun _ , wasn’t it?” 

He asks stepping closer to In Woo but In Woo holds steady. 

He gives the doppelganger a smile of his own. 

“It was pretty amusing.” 

“Then why change? _ This _ is you.” The doppelganger holds up his hands in front of In Woo. 

They’re gloved and coated in red. 

In Woo doesn’t need to observe it closer to know that it's blood. 

His smile is almost feral. 

“ _ Why _ change it ? Because  _ they  _ don’t like it? It's what you do isn’t it? What you’ve  _ always  _ done.” He’s now a hair’s breadth away from the barrel of the gun as he leers at In Woo. 

“You can’t expect them to understand, not after everything.” 

The voice that comes out is not his. 

There’s a cold assurance, a visible disdain.  _ Chairman. _

In Woo grips the gun tighter. 

Sweat trickles down his next. 

He could shoot now. He could  _ shut this farce up.  _ But his hands froze at the voice. 

He shakes himself to  _ wake up.  _

_ The chairman’s dead.  _

“You’re dead.” He grits out. 

“You don’t matter. I don’t  _ want you to matter. _ ” 

He doesn’t know why he feels out of breath .

In Woo chooses not to think about it.

He wills himself to move, pushing the barrel against the doppelganger’s chest. 

The doppelganger’s face splits into a grin. His bloodied hands come up to hold the gun in place.

“ _ You can’t change. _ ” 

His father’s voice taunts him.

_ “Can you trust anyone?  _

_ What if it’s a lie?  _

_ Why now? Why try now?” _

His own voice skids over his resolution, making ripples on the surface. 

In Woo  _ knows  _ they're valid.

He  _ knows _ it’s a risk- _ hell _ -he’s walking away from what he  _ defined  _ himself as -o _ f course he’s unsure _ .

His head is just about ready to explode but his hands didn’t shake anymore.

He is  _ his _ . 

He could do whatever he wanted and right now, he wanted  _ out _ . 

Out of this hole he threw himself into.

Out of this room he locked himself in back in Gwanju years ago and forgot the road leading out of it.

_ Why now?  _

His fingers curl around the trigger and In Woo takes a deep breath. 

“Because there’s someone who made me think I can. ” He looks himself dead in the eye. 

The doppelganger continues to smile. 

“You can’t kill me.” 

In Woo scoffs, “ _ Watch me _ .” 

He pulls the trigger. 

A familiar calm settles over him as he lowered the smoking weapon. 

Blood blooms on the doppelganger’s chest-

-but he doesn’t fall over. 

Instead his image flickers and the Chairman stands in front of him, mouth drawn up with mock.

_ “You can’t kill me.”  _

_ Bang. Bang. Bang.  _

The shots ring in his ears but the Chairman is still standing. 

He laughs. It’s dry and it grates on In Woo’s ears. 

_ “You can’t kill me.” _

His lips stretch out in a smile. 

He seems to loom over In Woo, taking over his vision. He looks down at his bleeding chest and back at In Woo. 

“You can’t let this go.” He’s walking up to In Woo . 

_ Bang Bang Bang.  _

The chairman glitches and it's the doppelganger- holding up a bloody hand, tracing it down In Woo’s face. 

_ Why won’t you die? Why aren’t you screaming? Why?Why aren’t you giving me my peace? _

The doppelganger looks at him, holding his face in his fingers. 

In Woo feels the blood stick to his skin. It burns his skin and his heart hammered in his chest. 

It felt alive.

The hand on his face traces over his mouth and In Woo realizes he’s  _ smiling _ . 

Like he always did after a kill. 

The atmosphere feels arctic. He’s frozen over. 

“No.” He whispers. 

The look he’s given is one of pity, a wry smile of resignation. 

_ “You need this.” _

The words close around his throat, cutting off his breath making him heady. He could taste blood on his lips. 

_ “Don’t you?” _

He wakes up drenched in sweat, breathing in the cold air like he’d been drowning. 

It doesn’t help. The smell of gunpowder hung in the air. 

He couldn’t breathe. 

He knows he’s supposed to call a nurse at times like this but he doesn’t . 

Instead he staggers up to the window and throws it open and uses the sill ground himself, fingers curling around the cement tight enough for it to sting. 

_ This is ridiculous . _

He’s seen worse,  _ done _ worse and yet he’s shaking like a leaf in a storm. 

_ Don’t think about it.  _

_Not now._ _Maybe later._

After he’s made sure he’s not dying. 

He breathes in, slower this time. 

The cool night air felt good against his sweaty forehead. He keeps himself standing until his breathing steadies and then slips onto the floor. 

He stays there until a nurse finds him and guides him back to bed. 

  
  


He tells Dr. Jung that he doesn’t want any visitors for the day at which the psychologist eyes In Woo warily but agrees to cancel his visitations. 

“Can I ask why?” The doctor asks as he gets up to leave after the check up which was mandatory after an ‘incident’

(“It wasn’t anything serious, I needed some air.”)

In Woo shrugs. 

“I need some time to figure some things out.” He doesn’t explain further, because he doesn’t want to go over the dream right now,  _ or ever.  _

Dr. Jung sighs. 

“ Well, I’m here to talk when you’re ready.” 

He takes another look at In Woo’s bloodshot eyes and slightly disheveled hair and gives In Woo a sympathetic smile. 

“Get some rest for now.” He says before he leaves, the door sliding shut behind him 

In Woo scoffs. 

Rest is the last thing he needs. 

Right now, he needs to sort out these meddlesome thoughts that nearly choked the life out of him earlier. 

He stretches his legs before standing up. 

He spends the rest of the day in the hospital’s gym. It isn’t a sophisticated affair but all In Woo needs is the treadmill in the far corner anyway. 

So he runs. 

Until the hazy dream evaporates from the heat and his mind is clear enough to process the situation without being over run by his own anger. 

Like hell he’s going to let anyone tell him what to do; even if it was at points, himself. 

_ You need this.  _

He scoffs at his reflection on the glass in front of him. 

_ He’ll _ decide what he needs. 

So he _ enjoyed _ killing, what of it?

He isn’t _ addicted  _ to it, like something he couldn’t help. 

Like what his father had deemed it as. 

_ A shameful secret.  _

In Woo admits, it  _ was  _ an outlet, a good one. 

He felt like his nerves were on fire after each kill. 

Satisfied . In a way he never was after getting a new deal or buying a record. 

_ Exhilarating. _ Yes, that’s what it was. 

Choosing a weapon, sneaking in a spiked energy drink, killing.

He did it because he could. 

He was good at it and it made him feel alive. 

There was never any guilt. 

If anything, the taboo, the chase, the fact that each plan had a delicate balance that could be thrown for a curve by a hair is what made it  _ better.  _

He increased the speed by another two levels. 

So he liked the adrenaline rush, he took it where he got it. He  _ chose _ to—

_ You can’t kill me.  _

He stumbles, almost tripping over his feet. 

He switches the machine off and sits down on one of the benches. He closes his eyes. 

The next time he meets Dongshik he’s also greeted with multiple brown bags. 

He opens the door and raises an eyebrow at the clutter. Dongshik shrugs, laughing nervously. 

“I didn’t know what to get.” He raises the bags to his face. 

“Hopefully you still haven’t had breakfast.”

He hasn’t but he doesn’t mention this to Dongshik.

He bites back a smile.  _ No, let him stew for a while.  _

In Woo stares at him.

“Hmm, I imagine you have quite a bit of money to spare.” He says , eyes flicking from the bags to Dongshik’s face.

“Is that it Dongshik shi?”

Dongshik coughs in an attempt to ease the awkwardness. 

In Woo would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the discomfort a  _ little.  _

“Well, the book’s doing surprisingly well actually.” He says sliding past In Woo at the entrance.

“Why is your window open? It's still pretty cold,  _ how _ are you not cold?” He hears Dongshik mutter behind him. 

“Can we eat the croissants while they’re warm?” 

In Woo sighs as he slides the door close. 

It feels less like a hospital visit and more like a house call. 

The croissants are good, better than most In Woo has tasted. 

It’s a welcome treat from the dull rice, stew and veggies combo he’s usually served. 

They clear out the bags slowly, taking their time, talking in between. 

In Woo feels himself relax. It’s a pleasant yet unfamiliar feeling, one he didn’t associate with other people. 

Dongshik seems to be enjoying this, at least In Woo assumes he is, since he hasn’t stopped talking for a while now. 

“And so Bokyung flips the dude over and he lands on these crates, it sounded so painful.”

“Sounded? Didn’t you see it?”

Dongshik scratches his neck. 

“I may have… closed my eyes after the guy went flying in the air.”

In Woo’s sighs. _ Of course he did. _

At this point it’s a bloody miracle that Dongshik managed to convince himself that he was a murderous psychopath. 

Dongshik clears his throat. “Anyway, back to more important matters. How are you doing In Woo shi?” 

In Woo stares at him long enough to make Dongshik avert his eyes. 

“Right, sorry. Wrong question.” He mutters. 

“It isn’t.” In Woo finds himself speaking. 

_ Why _ ? He doesn’t know. 

Dongshik looks at him, waiting for him to continue. 

“I don’t know.” It's true. 

The dream, the thing about his father, this entire situation with Dongshik – it's testing him, testing his emotions.

He doesn’t know what to give into and what to fight off _ -I don’t know if it's possible to  _ **_be_ ** _ fought off.  _

_ You can’t kill me.  _

He turns his head away.

He expects Dongshik to ask why, to drag it out of him. 

Instead he gets:

“Do you want to keep doing this?”

It surprises him that Dongshik isn’t dripping with pity. 

He doesn’t take his hand, doesn’t tell him that he  _ understands why he’s confused _ like the lady his father sent him to when he was in middle school. 

He looks at In Woo like he’s  _ trying _ to see him, hear him. 

Instead of making it a checklist, ticking off another box that’ll get him closer to a clear answer. 

_An easy answer._ _Crazy. Madman. Animal._

In Woo doesn’t know what to do with it. 

He knows that he’d never be able to do what Dongshik does without conscious effort.

He doesn’t get it. 

Yet he doesn’t loathe it. 

He finds the confections decent and Dongshik’s random spiels strangely comforting. 

He didn’t  _ want _ to let it go. He wants this as much as he wanted to kick out his brother. 

It’s something to _ work for.  _

Something that might reap a reward. 

He’s aware of the downside. 

Dongshik might just decide to stop trying. 

_ But- _

His throat feels constricted. 

“I suppose I could use the distraction. “ He says finally. 

“I don’t mind the company.”

There’s a silence as Dongshik stares at him .

There’s a crumb of pastry on his chin that In Woo wants to flick off. 

He clasps his hands instead. 

He wonders if he said the right thing. 

Then Dongshik ducks his head. He straightens up and smiles, open and blinding. 

“I  _ am _ pretty entertaining aren’t I?“

In Woo scoffs. He finds himself smiling in spite of himself. 

“What happened to the meek, pushover employee Yook Dongshik?“

Dongshik holds up his plastic knife and stabs the croissant in front of him. He grins .

“He accidentally became a psychopathic serial killer.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well if you liked it leave a kudos and comment. They're always welcome ^^


End file.
